My Pointless Life

As I sat here, reading my own writing, and pondering the thoughts in others’ minds, I decided I wanted to take another take on this whole blog. Instead of using it to find my way to death, I figured… why not help others?

You see, life is only as meaningful as you make it, it’s not the other way around. When my parents saw this blog, they immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was simply going through a phase, and that they needed to help me through a rough time, and though I appreciate their help, nothing they told me mattered. Call it assholish, but all their advice on ‘growing up’ fell on deaf eyes. I suppose it’s merely my nature, but something clicked then.

I really didn’t give a shit.

In all honesty, I put on this face, day to day, and I smile (well, I like to think so) ear to ear. When really, it’s all a show. Albeit, a natural one, but a show nonetheless. Of course I won’t tell my brother, to his face, that his support won’t matter in the end, and no, I will not tell my mother ‘thanks for all the fish, but I’m just waiting to die’.

This world we call reality, this shit hole we live in, it only lasts so long. No, it doesn’t matter, but I don’t think many others realize it. My step father made a point that a man who lived several hundred years ago had an impression on his personality today. So yes, the dead do live on, but to what extent? Does he think mankind will find a way to never go extinct? Does he think that in a billion years, anything we do will have made a lasting impact on the universe?

Even so, my point is… what does it matter, and why should I give a shit?

In 100 years; I, Chrystyan Collier, will no longer exist. Believe in the spirit world all you want, that’s a whole different story. But this life, this existence, what I do now… it doesn’t fucking matter.