My Pointless Life

Inside, we are all animals. Science tells us we’re different than animals, or even insects. We preach free will, and complete dominance over ourselves. But I see now. The actions of a man are no different than that of an animal. Though we do it on a larger scale than typical, we follow basic instinctual truths. We are controlled by our own makeup, forced to survive by whatever means necessary.

Some of us, myself included, possess a deep desire for nothing more than to die. It is a biological defect, for sure, but one I enjoy indulging. The will and desire to live is weaker than the absolute truth that everything dies. To me, death is but a way for us to release the burdens of will and desire. It’s amusing when you think about it, and even quite relaxing.

I was going to quote Shakespeare’s “all the world’s a stage” bit, but I believe to truly understand it, you only need know the “all the world’s a stage, and the men and women merely players” part. You see, I’ve spent many years knowing this entire bit verbatim, but I don’t think I ever truly understood Shakespeare. He was a man, much like myself I’d presume, who knew exactly what it meant to be human.

Truth, and knowledge. Science, and advancement. Technology… all of it is merely a farce. Instinctual behaviors created to shield ourselves from death. In a way, everything we do, we do for survival.

I despise being human. To be human, is to be an animal. To be an animal is to have no will. To have no will… well, I’m sure you get the rest. The men and women have no choice in this life, the poem always ends in death. I guess that’s why Shakespeare was so popular. His words touched the subconscious desires to not be human, to not be animals.

All of you desire the same as I. This fight I have, within myself. The one telling me to embrace my animal side, and go with reality is merely the survival bit talking. I want to see the world, journey on the ocean, live in a small village day to day, start a civil war… but it is all cowardice. Lies that my own instincts have created to force my survival upon me.

Last night, I had a dream. There was a machine. It was named “Doom”. Any time you saw the machine, it would instantly kill you. I feared seeing the machine, as it stood before me. I diverted my eyes. And then, in a brief instant, I was shown images of hell. I was shown depression unlike any I had before experienced. I was truly in fear. I stopped, and tried to look upon the machine. But I was frozen. I could not move, I could not see it. My mind was telling me that if I saw that machine called “Doom”, I would surely die.

When I awoke, my mind was strong. I remembered everything, even my own footsteps. This brought to light a bit about us. We, as humans, can never live life as we know we want it. Our instincts will always take us over, as we are merely players in a grand biological scheme. In this world, where we call home… the only thing that’s true is that we, humans, do not have freewill, and are predestined to die.