There was a picture that I saw the other day where it starts out with a narrator telling a stick figure to get a tech support job, be friendly to people, get along with others, go to the company outtings, etc. And the whole time I was thinking “FUCK, this poor chap is being led down the wrong road!” But then, as it progressed, I began to agree with the narrator in the image.

I used to frequent a forum with lots and lots of members. I was very well known, and even though I’m no longer on the forum these days, I could easily be remembered by a majority. I made an impact on a lot of people, and yes I was an attention whore. However, my fame led to more success than hard work and effort did. It was all about who I knew, and how they knew me.

So, I continued reading this image (I’ll post it at the bottom, btw) and compared what happened on that forum, and what has come because of it, to what the narrator was telling this stick figure. And I’ll be damned, the internet is just like real life. Sure, anon does not have as much place in real life, but the internet works more like real life than most people realize. If you get a few hundred friends on the internet, then start a website, what happens? You link your friends, and your website is almost an instant success! However, if you don’t have any friends, no matter how much you work, you’re not going to get very far.

In real life, the same thing can be said. If you don’t network, if you don’t get yourself out there and make connections, you will go no where. No matter how much work you put into whatever it is you’re doing, you have to have a large connection with people to get noticed.

Wait, SHIT! I hate people . The only place I can stand people is on the internet. Either way, I believe success is not based on the work you do, but the people you know and your relations with them. People are people. That’s some kickass thing to remember the next time you go out. People are people, just people. I guess my mom tried to teach me this, I just never picked up on it. You have to relate to people if you want anything in life, you have to make friends if you expect life to be easier.

Now, I’ll say I really don’t care, but I’ll also say that it’s worth a try. Maybe I’ll take up a religion, or just try and start going to a church and making friends there. Connections are connections… Maybe I should make a social experiement blog .

Ok, so, now that you’ve read this far, you may want the image I was talking about? I warn you, though, it’s very long. It’s a great read, but it is lengthy .

Well, after I finished writing the sales/signup page content, I decided I wanted feedback. I only needed 1 more page of content, and to debug the site to launch it. It was going more smoothly than I had ever anticipated, and I was so excited that I didn’t sleep for 2 days. I stayed up, came up with more ideas, and just kept working. Well, anyways, I had decided I wanted feedback on what I had written for the sales/signup page, so I posted it on a forum (thebotnet.com) where I was intending to eventually release it to the public.

Obviously, I hadn’t done enough research into the concept, because I was quickly informed that what I was working on was illegal. What? Wait… What!? I had spent an entire week working on something only to find out that what I was doing was not allowed, and I would quickly be prosecuted. Oh man, was I pissed. But hey, I was still excited about the release, so instead of just canning the project, I did a last ditch effort to come up with some good material to make the website work. I did a bunch of research, and decided on a concept I thought would work.

Then what happens? I lost interest. Normally, I don’t finish projects before I lose interest. Something happens in life, or I figure out that I could be doing something else and doing it better, or just something random happens that causes me to just say ‘meh, fuck it’. Maybe I need to stop asking myself ‘why?’ all the time .

Anyways, so now I sit here thinking; “Well, if I can finish coding a site entirely, only for it to fail, what do I do?”. Though I do believe life is nothing, and existence is without meaning, I do find that indulging in things you enjoy is just as pointless as not doing so, so why not? Haha. Well now, in this current time, I’m coming up with new ideas, thoughts, plans, etc. So, what do I do? I come here, and start evaluating myself as much as possible. I look at what I’m doing, I compare it to what others are doing, and I analyze what I come up with.

We live in a world where failure is imminent. Even the most successful people fail in some way or another. So, I’ve been considering making failure my hobby. That way, if you fail at failure, at least you succeeded, and if you succeed at failure, you still succeeded. So, I’ve decided I’m just not gonna shoot for success anymore. I’m actually going to start aiming for failure. I am going to be the worst possible human I can be, and hope for the worst. That way, when I fail, at least something good came out of it.

Hmm, sorry for the wall of text. I just kinda had to sort through some thoughts . Hope you guys like the white text on black background, btw. Lots of you were wanting it .

Some of us, myself included, possess a deep desire for nothing more than to die. It is a biological defect, for sure, but one I enjoy indulging. The will and desire to live is weaker than the absolute truth that everything dies. To me, death is but a way for us to release the burdens of will and desire. It’s amusing when you think about it, and even quite relaxing.

I was going to quote Shakespeare’s “all the world’s a stage” bit, but I believe to truly understand it, you only need know the “all the world’s a stage, and the men and women merely players” part. You see, I’ve spent many years knowing this entire bit verbatim, but I don’t think I ever truly understood Shakespeare. He was a man, much like myself I’d presume, who knew exactly what it meant to be human.

Truth, and knowledge. Science, and advancement. Technology… all of it is merely a farce. Instinctual behaviors created to shield ourselves from death. In a way, everything we do, we do for survival.

I despise being human. To be human, is to be an animal. To be an animal is to have no will. To have no will… well, I’m sure you get the rest. The men and women have no choice in this life, the poem always ends in death. I guess that’s why Shakespeare was so popular. His words touched the subconscious desires to not be human, to not be animals.

All of you desire the same as I. This fight I have, within myself. The one telling me to embrace my animal side, and go with reality is merely the survival bit talking. I want to see the world, journey on the ocean, live in a small village day to day, start a civil war… but it is all cowardice. Lies that my own instincts have created to force my survival upon me.

Last night, I had a dream. There was a machine. It was named “Doom”. Any time you saw the machine, it would instantly kill you. I feared seeing the machine, as it stood before me. I diverted my eyes. And then, in a brief instant, I was shown images of hell. I was shown depression unlike any I had before experienced. I was truly in fear. I stopped, and tried to look upon the machine. But I was frozen. I could not move, I could not see it. My mind was telling me that if I saw that machine called “Doom”, I would surely die.

When I awoke, my mind was strong. I remembered everything, even my own footsteps. This brought to light a bit about us. We, as humans, can never live life as we know we want it. Our instincts will always take us over, as we are merely players in a grand biological scheme. In this world, where we call home… the only thing that’s true is that we, humans, do not have freewill, and are predestined to die.

There is nothing but pain;
in this life we feign.
All our hopes and dreams;
lost in truth it seems.

Created we have our desires;
tangled in cords and wires.
We’re moving forward at last;
but forgotten is the past.

Destroy what we’ve created;
all because of hatred.
Husbands, children, and wives;
will grab their guns and knives.

We will fight our own;
Until we’re all alone.
Overcome by guilt;
surely we will wilt.

Time will tell the truth;
all we have is youth.
The wind will sing our dirge;
gone is the human scourge.

I’m sure, if you’ve read my other posts, you understand where I’m coming from when I say I want the simple life. Sure, I talk about money, and video games… sex and porn… all of these things are great in the lifestyles we currently embrace. However, as I sit pondering what to do with my pointless life, I began thinking outside of the box.

You see, the world we live in is amazing. We have superior technology, medicines, etc, to ourselves hundreds of years ago. Our ancestors’ knowledge of the universe and its workings was nothing but primitive. We have developed a new understanding, and have adapted and evolved our intelligence to a point well beyond imaginable when compared to our ancestors. It’s quite remarkable how far we’ve come.

But when it comes down to it, when you ask the very innate question in us all, “why?”, you cannot help but stop and think. No, not “Why did we come all this way?”, as there’s really no point. The question to ask is: “Why does it all matter?” and “Why should we devote our life to helping develop a better world for our future generations so they in turn can develop a better world for their future generations?”.

The common human life is spent as follows: You’re born, and taught several things in your youth. You learn lessons, and develop key motor skills. You then go to school, where you may learn several bits of knowledge from past generations. You spend at least a decade in school, at which point, you either go to college, or you get a job. During this time, you develop relationships, friendships, etc, and focus on your social skills. Most people generally have children, at which point, they’re forced to get a job to provide for their family. From the time you’re in your mid 20’s, till the time you are in your 60’s, you work to continue supporting your family, and yourself. After that, you get money for your hard work (if you ever worked hard), and are told “Thanks, you had a great run, take this money, enjoy the rest of your life.”

To me, that is not an eventful life. Even if your job is spent as a doctor, or even a CEO who travels the world. Your life is not complete. You do not have freedom. Some will ask of what importance is freedom, to which I would reply that it’s really the only thing we have outside of instincts. I want my freedom. Not the freedom to go out and murder people, or even behave irrationally. I want the freedom to live my life, as I please, without fear.

That is the simple life. I don’t know, maybe on a farm, in Ireland in the hills where no one ever goes, or a remote region of Japan where the fog never seems to lift, and its always 50 degrees outside. I want to spend my days writing on a paper made from recycled materials, with ink made from fish oil. I want to eat rice that I fetched myself, meat that I hunted myself, on a fire I assembled myself. Hell, I even wouldn’t mind building my own home.

To what end? That’s a full life. I’m not spending it making things for future generations. I think we all lost something when we relied on others for our survival. We lost a key instinct. We just go with the flow, and thus we’ve sacrificed the most important animal trait. We’re robots reprogrammed by our fellow man, and have lost all of our attachments to real nature.

No, I’m not a hippy, I’m just another unhappy soul being forced to live in such a state that I can’t even stop to smell the fucking roses.

One day, I hope, one day. Just maybe I won’t have to live my life bound by the same mindless state as the majority of my species. I would gladly give up all of the possessions I have, just to live a life of simplicity, instinctual survival, and freedom. On that day, I will have found happiness.

You see, life is only as meaningful as you make it, it’s not the other way around. When my parents saw this blog, they immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was simply going through a phase, and that they needed to help me through a rough time, and though I appreciate their help, nothing they told me mattered. Call it assholish, but all their advice on ‘growing up’ fell on deaf eyes. I suppose it’s merely my nature, but something clicked then.

I really didn’t give a shit.

In all honesty, I put on this face, day to day, and I smile (well, I like to think so) ear to ear. When really, it’s all a show. Albeit, a natural one, but a show nonetheless. Of course I won’t tell my brother, to his face, that his support won’t matter in the end, and no, I will not tell my mother ‘thanks for all the fish, but I’m just waiting to die’.

This world we call reality, this shit hole we live in, it only lasts so long. No, it doesn’t matter, but I don’t think many others realize it. My step father made a point that a man who lived several hundred years ago had an impression on his personality today. So yes, the dead do live on, but to what extent? Does he think mankind will find a way to never go extinct? Does he think that in a billion years, anything we do will have made a lasting impact on the universe?

Even so, my point is… what does it matter, and why should I give a shit?

In 100 years; I, Chrystyan Collier, will no longer exist. Believe in the spirit world all you want, that’s a whole different story. But this life, this existence, what I do now… it doesn’t fucking matter.

1. I don’t believe in using condoms. Why? I’m going to die anyways, why play it safe? Animals don’t have safe sex, why should we? Etc. Plus, I wouldn’t have sex with someone gross. If I did get something, oh well.

2. Girls want relationships. I don’t want relationships. I don’t like people. In fact, I don’t even want to talk to you. Let me get MY rocks off, and you can go fuck yourself.

3. For some reason, society has dictated that I should have to suffer if a girl gets pregnant. Fuck that. I refuse to support something I don’t want.

4. A lot of animals have sex for fun. That’s all I want. I don’t want any other strings attached. Ever. Unfortunately, you won’t ever find that.

5. I have high standards. I won’t just stick my dick in anything. Somewhere in my brain, I’ve developed tastes for the finer pointlessnesses in life.

6. Because I said so.

Now, this doesn’t deter me from watching porn. In fact, I probably watch more porn than anyone I know. Except, I’m not extremely keen on the whole frequent masturbation thing. Just seems pathetic, to me, and even though it’s natural, I dunno… its just repetitive and boring. Everyone does it now and again, though ^.^.

That fact being burned into your mind. Lets get real. Sex is awesome, so is porn. Quite frankly, it’s so basic it’s not even funny. But it’s just another thing we’ve gone and complicated. God, our race is so stupid.

Let’s look at some hot women:

I could go on forever, just Google, you fucktards.

This shit is so amazing that the image I used didn’t even need to be clever. It can turn the most respectable, moral and ethical people into pure fucking animals. In fact, the more money you have, the more fucking primordial you are. You’re the head honcho when you have this shit, the king of the damn corporate jungle. Hell, it has no point, it’s just a number, but its so fucking awesome that people will even suck your cock for it (if you have one, of course)!

Me, I love money. I’ll do quite a bit for money. Nothing to strenuous, or anything that makes me uncomfortable (like the cock thing) but quite a bit of other shit. It makes life easier, and you can get away with more stuff. With enough money, you could probably murder someone and no one would ever fucking know.

Honestly, this is just proof how retarded morals and ethics are. When it comes down to it, everyone has a price. Since enough money can buy anything humanly possible, it’s merely unimaginable to turn it down. Some of you may deny this fact, but its backed by many centuries of solid proof. Everyone, in essence, is corrupt. Even children go head over heels for this shit.

So, an arbitrary number generated from any number of acts can turn us into primates. Is there any reason to pretend like we’re not simply fucking fooling ourselves with all this formal bullshit? You know what I would do if I had even a million dollars? I’d buy happiness. Whatever that may be.

Why so serious?! I can’t imagine a better slogan for the 9/11 “tragedy”. People feel deeply about this event, and my god are they so passionate about it it’s amazing. For a while there, I was one of these people, till I stepped back and just enjoyed the chaos of such a world in terror. It’s so sexy. Please, Mr. Terrorists, cause some more harm! Sure, it sucks to lose that much infrastructure, but come now, their insurance will pay for it!

I remember hearing about this when I was in the library in fifth grade. Wanna know what I did? I went back to watching the fucking Dr. Seuss show on the television. That’s how little I cared. However, I’m sure the horror on everyone’s faces when the towers came crashing down would have been more entertaining, but I wasn’t as manacle back then as I am now. (I’m assuming some of my readers’ mouths are hanging open by now, or you’ve simply skipped this and started typing some random comment that will attempt to correct my ‘rude’ post. Go ahead, I’ll wait .)

As I’ve said before, chaos is in our nature. We, as a people, thrive on it. Its our animal side, our id. We don’t hope no one gets hurt when a hurricane comes blowing through, we hope to hear of destruction, mayhem, and riots in the streets. Hell, even when I’m in the path of a tornado, or a hurricane, I want it to hit hard so I can get the rush of uncertainty.

In the circumstance of 9/11, this is no different. Everyone waited to hear about survivors, they came together for some random reason, they decided to go beat the shit out of someone… we’re all like a big fucking gang! It’s awesome to be in a gang, I love you my primordial society!

Maybe next time we’ll watch as a nuke goes off killing millions. Oh, can you imagine how fucking scared people would be then? /wipes tear from eye.

God I love video games. They allow us to indulge those animal instincts I was talking about without getting into trouble. I mean, sure, some may think they’re bad, and promote violence… but hell, that’s why they were made! They give us an outlet to do those things without actually doing them! Now, true, they’re just as pointless as the next thing, but in the grand scheme of pointlessness, video games rule.

I do, however, admit that at times I simply cannot play a video game anymore. When I get into the philosophical mood, I tend to question why I’m playing the video game. But after a while, I can’t help but escape back into one to relieve the pressure of everyday stress. Unfortunately, video game worlds aren’t real, so they only work to a certain extent. The more people play video games the more our society becomes controlling and domineering of our personalities. It’s the common texas slip, it is.

What we need more of is paintball, yeah. Good, painful, fun paintball. You get to protect your territory, dominate your enemies, fucking imagine killing people. The only thing better than paintball is real war, so until we can all enjoy a mascuarade, might as well enjoy a round or two of paintball.

So, yeah, video games are pointless in the grand scheme of things, but at least they have a point in pointless!